I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
