What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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