we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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