I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wear drunk well.