can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.