just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick