Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close