I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out