she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.