You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly