decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
third nipple confirmed
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
