i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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