I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize