pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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