Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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