Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
