he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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