i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
honey bunches of taint.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
