Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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