But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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