apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
