It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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