Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
