About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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