so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
