i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
