I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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