That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
