There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
