so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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