you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
