I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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