I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize