I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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