1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
