if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
