guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
