Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
