If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
