My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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