i was born a porn star she said
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
