dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
