he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
