I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
