He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
