Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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