I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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