beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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