walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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