real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
