shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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