I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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