I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's rum buckets o'clock
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
