I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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