We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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