apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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