She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We talked him into tasing himself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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