dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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