Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Damn victory sex feels great
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
