I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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