just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
