I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
