I met the friendliest cop last night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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