I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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