if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
