You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
