I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How's work?
Spinning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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