WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize