we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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